Thankfully the ‘No Worries’ insurance option paid dividends in that the campervan rental company seemed rather nonplussed about the absence of the waste water system from the van. I also survived my first motorway driving experience. They was a bit of a dodgy moment where I had to choose between exiting the motorway at the wrong junction or ploughing into a set of bollards. Fortunately for Si I chose the former.

Once we finished our tearful parting with the van, Si went off to meet Emily’s parents for inauguration into the Yri ‘circle of trust’ and I returned to Auckland to give it another chance in good weather. I would still be there, but all the shops unexpectedly closed at 5pm. So it was off to the airport to continue my shopping at the four Kiwi souvenir shops that constitute the retail offering of Auckland International Airport.

So I now am sitting in the airport bar with probably my last glass of Sauvignon Blanc in New Zealand, reflecting on the last three weeks and trying not to think about the nightmare flight ahead of me.

Thanks to all of you who have read and contributed to this blog over the past month and I hope it managed to entertain as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Thanks also to Si for helping to come up with the, at times, horrendous title puns for the blog entries (most of which were, unfortunately, not suitable for publication) and for putting up with my ‘in development’ driving skills while in New Zealand. But my main thanks to Si are for suggesting the trip in the first place. It’s been ‘Sweet as, Bro’.

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So how did we spend our day in Auckland? Erm, we went to a cinema and saw a film that both of us had already seen. In a cinema of only four people (including us). To be fair, there were a number of mitigating circumstances.

1. The film was The Dark Knight which is a great film.
2. It was raining. And it rained all day.
3. When I first saw the film I was in the front row so I didn’t really appreciate the full cinematic experience.
4. It was an IMAX cinema.

Hopefully the sun will be shining tomorrow when I have a few extra hours to experience Auckland after we drop off the remains of the campervan.

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It’s raining on our penultimate day in New Zealand. After waking up on a soggy campsite in Takapuna Beach in the North Shore City area of Auckland, we both decided that we’d had enough of the nomadic way of life and checked into a nearby apartment (though parking was again a problem as we had to remove part of a tree that got caught in the campervan skylight). Hopefully that means a comfortable night’s sleep before the horrors of the return flight to London.

The bad weather held off for the start of the wedding of Simon and Catherine but the reception was very much a indoors affair. But this did not detract from the occasion with its good food and drink and the inevitable dodgy dancing (from me anyway). I left the wedding well educated on New Zealand farming and animal husbandry in particular. Special thanks go to Tom for the detailed and vivid explanation of the procedure for the extraction of bull semen.

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Another beach day so not a lot to report really. Unfortunately I was not witness to Si’s surfing lesson at Mount Manuganui so any comedy reports would be hearsay only.

While Si was publicly humiliating himself in the Bay of Plenty, I went for a run along the beach. All was going well until a seagull took offence to my presence and started attacking me. Somewhat unnerved by its constant screeching and swooping dives over my head, I eventually broke into a sprint, but the seagull persisted with its offensive. Not wanting to end up like an extra from Hitchcock’s The Birds, I eventually made a cowardly and panicked retreat from the beach and the bird retired victorious.

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1. Arrive at Papamoa Beach
2. Purchase beach towel
3. Purchase lower factor sun cream
4. Exclaim disbelief that SF10 is the lowest factor available in NZ
5. Make way to beach
6. Lie down
7. Drink a cold beer
8. Repeat steps 6 and 7

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We did managed to do the zorbing this morning, and while it was good fun rolling down a hill strapped to the inside of an inflatable plastic ball, the experience was somewhat eclipsed by the rafting on the Kaituna River in the afternoon.

As most of you will know, the water has not always been my best friend so the thought of a 21 foot high waterfall was not pleasant, especially on learning that two out of every five boats that attempt the waterfall flip over. The advice from the guide if we fell out was to ‘curl up into a little ball’ – not particularly helpful I thought. What do I do once I’m in a ball? Drown perhaps. When the time came somehow our raft stayed upright, although we did seem to plunge rather deeply into the abyss.

Our home for the night is by the side of the Blue Lake to the south east of Rotorua. The photo is sunset over the neighbouring Green Lake on our way back from dinner. Pretty idyllic really.

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Alas, no skydive. I was quite disappointed really. It was too windy this morning so we rescheduled for this afternoon. However, due to some bogus timing information from the guy in the campsite information centre (we should have been worried when he struggled with NZ$20 minus NZ$17 when giving change) we were kayaking on Lake Taupo when the skydiving people came to pick us up. Oh well.

To make up for the lack of adrenaline today, we have booked some rafting on grade 5 rapids in Rotorua tomorrow and also hope to get some zorbing in as well (I didn’t know what it was either – apparently inolves hurtling yourself down a hill in a giant plastic ball).

We did finally get to see the Craters of the Moon first thing this morning though. Sadly there were no eruptions when we were walking around the geothermal park. The eruptions happened later when Si realised we would miss the skydive due to ‘that gormless retard’.

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In a change to the schedule, we stayed one night in a Wellington motel, meaning that for once I wasn’t stuck in the coffin being repeatedly bitten by whatever insects have set up home with us in the campervan.

Unfortunately getting the van into the motel was not easy. While I was explaining to the motel manager why one king size bed was not acceptable, there was a gut-wrenching sound outside as a result of Si’s attempts to drive in to the motel car park. While the campervan did get in to the car park, the waste water outlet on the underbody did not and was instead left lying on the roadside. However, every cloud has a silver-lining and Si’s redesign of the campervan has solved the sink problem. As water now simply passes straight through the sink and onto the road, there will never again be any need to empty the rancid waste water tank.

Wellington itself is a nice city, especially as the sun came out after the inevitable brewery tour. We also saw a colossal squid in the Te Papa museum – one of those once-in-a-lifetime experiences…

The first part of today was spent driving to Lake Taupo where we shall reside to the next couple of days. Already booked in for tomorrow is a skydive and some kayaking. Having survived my first skydive a few years back, I can’t help thinking that a second may be tempting fate.

I am now a lot happier as the weather seems to be much improved in the north. The photo is of Huka Falls which we walked to before going on to the Craters of the Moon, a collection of bubbling hot mud pools. Unfortunately, the Moon was ‘closed’. We’ll try again tomorrow.

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We arrived in Blenheim to learn that it is one of the sunniest places in New Zealand. Sadly we brought the Greymouth rain with us and experienced the town on its first wet day for six weeks. We decided to ditch the idea of visiting the wineries by bicycle and opt for an organised tour, mainly because of the road safety issues that are raised by tasting at least five wines at each of the five wineries.

During our tour around the wet wineries of Blenheim, we had the good fortune to bump into Bilbo Baggins who was looking good value for his hundred and eleventy-one years.

But now it is time to leave the South Island behind. We are currently on the Interislander ferry just coming into Wellington Harbour. Is that blue sky I can spy in the distance? No.

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Rather than a photo of today’s incessant rain and a summary of the drive from Greymouth to Blenheim, here is the photo of the Otago scenery from the mountain biking a few days back and a campervan damage report:

Windscreen – chipped in two places. The stone that caused the first chip was so large I was worried that it would take Si’s head off.

Gas canister enclosure – lock broken. In addition to general driving duties, driver must now check mirrors frequently to ensure that gas canister has not (a) fallen from van; or (b) exploded.

Sink – unusable at present. Although waste tank has been emptied, the plug remains a permanent fixture as we are still wary of the horrors of Pandora’s Box.

Hand brake – degraded. A faint burning smell 50km into my first driving stint of the day drew my attention to the red exclamation mark warning light on the dashboard. Apparently that means the hand brake is still on.

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